Biology has proven that the genome of the Homo genus contains the orthologues of ancestral fish, amphibians, reptiles, mammals and apes, in addition to the expected human genes. It represents the evolutionary history of the human species.
This newly identified specimen of the Homo genus is no exception, and contains the historical record of its evolution as well as exhibiting significant additional modifications that suffice to qualify it as the precursor of a separate branch of the species.
As occurs occasionally in nature, genes mutate, duplicate or are lost, accounting for further eventual evolutionary speciation. If these new gene changes enhance the specimen’s ability to survive and reproduce, it will prosper and propagate to become a new species.
Researchers hypothesize that the rare homo trumpus donaldi genome, if sequenced, would indicate a genetic duplication in which two asshole genes are present. There are further indications that the genes for brain function have been lost, replaced instead by a substance called egomatter. While the specimen has survived (due to long term paternal coddling) and shows strong fecundity allowing reproduction, it does exhibit the unusual trait of defecating from both ends, which would normally be deleterious to long term survival.
This has been offset to some extent by the specimen’s unique ability to convert praise into energy in the egomatter, through a process known as egosynthesis. Similar to sharks who must constantly swim to breathe, egosynthesis must be indulged in continually. A shortage of acceptable veneration quickly results in nasal “sniffing”, loud obnoxious noises, and a thrashing about of the upper appendages, denoting agitation and hunger.
Additional research is needed to determine the longterm viability of this new specimen of the genus homo, but some researchers believe that it may not survive beyond November 8th, due to the growing shortage of the plaudits and accolades upon which it feeds.