do you guys do that?"
saves thinking time. Especially in America, where there
are only a few choice words available, and you don't even
have to pronounce them properly. Everybody knows it was
one or the other of only a half dozen phrases, and it
doesn't make any difference which one anyway. Cussin'
in pantheistic societies presents a much greater challenge
as there is greater range and flexibility involved.
helps thumbs heal faster. It encourages fingernail growth.
It enhances scabbing on skinned knees and scraped shins.
It is a measurement of the severity of an incident. Stubbed
toes usually take more cussin' than shaving nicks.
order for this to work properly, one must develop a string
of blue lightning that can be carefully timed to coincide
with the duration of the pain or frustration inflicted
upon ones self. This can be accomplished in either of
two ways. By controlling the speed of the outburst, or
by using more or fewer cuss words. Either method is acceptable.
Sometimes volume control is also necessary for proper
cussin' serves as a generic thesaurus, allowing each individual
recipient to negotiate the meaning conveyed according
to his own interpretation, which may then be either more
or less intense than the opinion of the cusser. This prevents
semantic confrontations and allows one to get on with
the meat of the story at hand.
helps keep the arteries clear and saves wear and tear
on limited resources such as brain cells. Without cuss
words, a person would have to remember some two or three
thousand extra nouns to be used appropriately in their
stead. Things to be "full of..." would just
barely begin to cover the necessities. And then there
are the adjectives to consider, and other parts of speech.
One's memory block could be overloaded simply by the sheer
number of things that could be dangled from a participle
if it weren't for cuss words.
order to be truly effective, cussin' has to be properly
done under strict social conventions. The younger generation
doesn't understand this, and the result is the same as
the over prescription of antibiotics. Loss of effectiveness.
prime example of this is the dialog of today's bromidic
movies that sound as though they were fleshed out by a
team of middle school script writers. By the time today's
kids grow up there won't be a word left with enough power
to shock the plaque off a carotid, and everybody will
be on Lipitor!
should never be done in the presence of elders, because
they think they have an exclusive right to it. Cussin'
should never be done in the presence of children, because
one never wants to embarrass ones self in front of people
who know more cuss words than they do.
is for special occasions. Like when your new drill bit
slips and ruins a $40 piece of Italian tile; not for when
your secretary simply misfiles a piece of paper. Unless
it's a check. Your check.
latter situation requires tact and sensitivity to inform
the person that she has her head up her...and doesn't
know .... But the former indicates an awareness and appreciation
of fine material and craftsmanship. Or at least it offers
temporary consolation at the loss of $40.
at some thing has a more beneficial effect than say, kicking
it with your bare foot. Bedsteads and shop anvils come
cussin' at people can get one into a heap more trouble
then one bargained for. Upset secretaries with dead-eye
aim come to mind. This is known as "being in deep...."
so, properly done, cussin' has a propitious effect on
humanity. Improperly done, cussin' just makes one a foul
mouthed boor with a limited vocabulary. Sometimes, to
the untrained ear, it is difficult to tell the difference.
is why the sign over my doorway reads...
In This Household Is Positively Prohibited
Not That I Give A Damn, But
It Sounds Like Hell Before Strangers"
of course, maybe we do it because there is an OU game
on TV we'd rather be watching...